Friday, July 8, 2016

My Personal Struggles with Depression & Anxiety

To My Spiritual Friends & Family,

For the last several years, I've been dealing with some issues that almost took over my life and everything surrounding it. For years, I have always had this sad feeling in my heart, and although it was not always apparent everyday, it was never too long before that sad feeling made another appearance. I knew there was something wrong with me, but I didn’t know what was wrong with me, so I suppose the most honest answer I can give you is I swept those feelings under the rug, I didn’t face the issues, I didn’t do any research as to why I was feeling the way I was. I just went on with life, some of the time pretending to my closest friends and family that everything was okay, that everything was just perfect, don't worry about me. Everything was far from perfect, and over the last couple of years, these sad feeling became worse, much worse. The time had come where I had to figure this all out, and to know what really was wrong with me. It was determined that I was suffering from severe depression and severe anxiety. I was not scared by those words; I was actually quite relieved to finally know a name or title for what I was dealing with.

Looking back, I should have treated myself better and loved myself enough to get these issues sorted out years ago, but my motto has always been 'Duty First, Self Second', and after awhile the sad feelings seemingly were part of daily life, and suddenly those feelings didn’t feel anything other than normal.

I decided to try to determine what the root cause of my depression and anxiety was. There were far too many things to consider that could have been the cause and likely each one was a contributor in it's own way, such the pressure that comes with being a lightworker, ongoing family health issues, difficulty processing childhood events when I was sexually violated numerous times by someone who was supposed to have been a role model and protector, the loss of my Grandfather, watching my Grandmother's health decline and her transition into a nursing home, being 4,500 miles away from my husband 10 out of 12 months a year, there were so many contributors that it was hard to determine exactly which one played a bigger part, as they all (at times) had the same energy levels.

No one, and I mean NO ONE, understands what it takes to be Christopher Reburn on a daily basis. I never asked or desired to become popular or world renown, I just wanted to help other people and I wanted my work to be appreciated, I had no idea that one day I would be known all over the world. No one really knows the pressure I'm under to do the work that I do, and to continue to spread my mission and message all over the world. This doesn’t come easy, and it takes a tremendous amount of energy to do, everyday. I'm not bitching or complaining, I'm just sharing with you all of the reasons why. When readings get delayed or fall behind, I get very stressed out, and that severely affects my sleep and mental stability. When the readings fall behind, I feel a tremendous feeling of failure, that I have failed my clients and that I have let them down. It's a terrible feeling to have, but because I take my work so religiously seriously, that's just the kind of feelings I feel when my works gets delayed, as at any given time, there are always a considerable amount of people depending me and relying on me, and I never want to disappoint anyone. When people pressure me 'Where is my reading??' is makes it all the more worse. Some people really don't care what I go through, they only care that they have 'paid' for something that they are late in receiving. I have become selective who I read for these days, especially if they threw shade my way just because of a late reading. I have a 'do not read for' list, and it saddens me when a new name is added to that list, but I do care about myself and the way I am treated, and I just cannot tolerate any further disrespect or mistreatment. It's just not going to happen. I'm very good at what I do and my work and reputation speaks for itself.

I have chosen to go public with my story and experiences with one purpose in mind -- that someone else out there may be feeling some of the same feelings I've felt, and for that someone to know that they are not alone. You are not alone, and you are loved.  Those of you know that I live a relatively private life, and I'm not always forthcoming with information about my private life outside of my professional life. Something's are sacred, and honestly, other things are just nobody's business. However, my wish in sharing this struggle is that others will identify with some of the things I have shared, and that there is help out there. The first step to start the healing process is to stand up, own the issue, get help and start to figure things out, and also to know that some things in life will never make sense on this earth plane, but not to give up on yourself and to talk to people close to you whom you trust and who love you, unconditionally.

The last three months have been some of the most difficult that I've ever had to endure, and of course, the email readings have piled up and I'm behind again. Now that I'm finally feeling better and much more myself again, I'm ready to resume being Christopher Reburn again, and I'm going to get all of these readings caught up in the next couple of weeks and will have a clear queue once again, something that has not happened in over two years. Once I'm able to get these readings caught up, I'm going to throw a big party, and you're all invited!

Over the course of the last week, I have moved out of Florida which I believe over the years had become a toxic environment for me and I have relocated closer to my family. I feel so much more positive now, and everyone around me is noticing these changes. I really feel that the best part of me is yet to come, and I look forward to sharing these moments with you.

This very public reveal was not easy for me, but I hope that it helps others in coming to terms with their situations and issues who are dealing with some of the same things I have dealt with over the course of many of these past 37 years of life.

I want to thank my husband and family who have been incredibly supportive and understanding during this ordeal. I couldn’t have done it without him, and now that I've worked through a lot of the various emotions that were bringing me down, I can now rightfully say that I can feel that unconditional love coming from so many of you, and it's very emotional for me, and I just begin to thank everyone enough for their support, friendship and for having my back.

In closing, I want to say how grateful I am to have you in my life and a part of my spiritual journey. In moving forward there will be some policy changes and some additional boundaries put in place to ensure that the continuation of my spiritual journey and mission is less pressured, and less stressed, but in more ways a lot more structured. I am very blessed to have so many loyal supporters who really do care about me. I'm very thankful to have you all in my life, and I look forward to the future and continuing to do my radio show, my readings and classes and so much more.

Here's to OUR future and the continuation of our journey together.

I love you all, so very much.

xxx Christopher